Bristol Burlesque Festival 2017
It’s a glorious crowd tonight at the second night of the 2017 Bristol Burlesque Festival. There’s a whole ton of tattoos, hair dye, headscarves and leather. There’s a dashing of satin, silk, skull flowers and feathers. There’s everything beautiful, exotic, fantastic, and perhaps…just a little bit erotic.
(and check out my cheap and tacky rhythms!)
Sadly we couldn’t make it to the first night 😦 [we’re a bit renegade] but we heard that it went off BIG TIME! But we’re here now and it’s Friday night! And what we see on display is what we like. It’s an extravaganza! And the lineup looks badass!
So without further ado, let’s enjoy BBF RENEGADES!
The lights go down and something mysterious wanders out of the shadows and into full view…who could it be? Could they be FUN!? Could they be WONDERFUL!? Could they be…
Dis-charge is glamorously dressed up in a long, long, loooooooooong shiny dress with a big, badass bottom. The slender and mahoosive image is joined by huge, huge, hoooooooj heels, and a headdress with flowers and all kind of other mystical mumbo jumbo dotted all over it [text not really doing it justice, let’s face it] (look at the picture) but anyway…
As the host, the boss, the big kahuna…Dis introduces us to the show…
Dis: “Ladies and Gentlemen, welcome to the Bristol Burlesque Festival 2017…tonight you’re going to see some renegade stripper action…we have performers from all over the world…America, Germany, Norway, and from the UK as well.”
“But first up, the act we’re about to see has something to do with the pole that’s been standing freely in the centre of the stage…it’s…”
Anna Frost sweeps elegantly towards the pole…tall, long blonde hair, elegant, alluring…she has rose tattoos rising up her leg, tiger knickers and bra covering her body, a fishnet top and some devious silver glitter heels…
Anna writhes slowly, silkily around the pole…she’s rose scented and majestic…like chiffon floating through an Arabian night…
Anna moves up and around the pole…
Then out go the legs:
HEEL SLAP! KA-PU-SHH! HEEL SLAP! KA-PU-SHH!
Wooohoo! goes the crowd…
Leg stretch…those long, long looong pins streaking out into the ether…
Anna swings back in, curls around the pole, contorts her body around it’s silver erection, coils herself upside down and twists herself around…
With her head pointing down and her ass jutting into the sky…
HEEL SLAP! KA-PU-SHH! HEEL SLAP! KA-PU-SHH!
Anna begins to spin around – she’s a techno pole dancing ninja!
Spinning, spinning, spinning…stretching her legs out, wrapping herself around the pole…vulva writhing, body powerful, psychologically dominant…all in all…delectably destructive!
What awesome fun! And a huge dose of badass pole dancing mayhem. And we fucking love that HEEL SLAP!
Dis: “Did I not tell you it would be great!” says Dis, pulling some kind of face. “I look so hot when I make that you face, you just want to fuck me!”
Dis: “So anyway…why Renegade strippers? The performers we’ve selected are broadly speaking the perfect embodiment…all different styles and personalities and aggressions…after all…it’s a fucked up world!”
“Our next performer is someone who has stood up against the US Government who were trying to shut down performance venues in America…”
“From Boise, Idaho…”
Frankly Frankie steps out from the curtains…dark hair, dark glasses, long coat, fishnets and boots…
[Song: Every Breath you Take by Sting]
There’s a hat stand on stage dressed up as man…hat, coat, trousers, the works…
Now. What. Is. Going. To. Go down here?
Hmmm….it’s a mystery wrapped in a riddle wrapped in an enigma wrapped in a…
Frankie moves slowly across the floor to the fellow…her coat comes off…a black dress is hidden deviously beneath…
Frankie moves, twists, turns…slinks her body up the man…she puts her hand inside his jacket…slides inside…places the arm around her shoulder…
OH! The hand is on her breast! 🙂
Now the hand is right down on her V!
Cheeky hand, naughty hand, roving hand…
The hand’s going everywhere..uh huh…tickling, seeking, adventuring, exploring…what thrills, so much enjoyment, it’s chaos, it’s carnage…
And so much…
But, but, but…
OH! OH! OH! ORGASM!
The dress comes off, flung wildly across the room…Frankie goes down…peeks into the man’s trousers…looks back at the audience:
“OH MY GOD…IT’S FUCKING HUGE!!!!”
Woo! Woo! Woo! WOOOHOOOO!
The dress comes off – eye nipple covers!
That was fun!
>Annnnnd back to Dis-charge!
Who, it appears, is talking about himself…
Dis: “She’s six thousand feet tall but she’s tethered so she can’t go far!”
“I want to have some screaming from the audience…One, two, three…”
“Ohhhh, I felt that down in my special place…”
“Now a bit more…One, two, three…
“Oh, I just came!”
Dis: “Two days in and I need a thesaurus! I’m a shit drag queen but I’ll try and do my best! But now it’s time for our next act…”
Two giant red/orange feather fans hide Sandy as she tip-toes onto the stage…long blonde hair, slender body, glittery chest, flower in her hair…very sweet…
Disco funk breaks out of the stereo…
Boop-boop- Boop-boop (that shit attempt at funk does not do it justice)
Shimmy! Shimmy! Shimmy! Shake!
The dress comes off…
This is some tight funk, tight moves too!
A twist, a turn, a kink a…
Now to add some bottom!
Whoop! Whoop! Whoop! Whoop!
The crowd goes immensium!
Dis: “Costume change! Now you can see my power shoulders!”
[these are shoulder pads with pretty BIG SPIKES ON THEM!]
“It’s a two hour journey of me re-arranging myself! I have half of DFS in me…there’s a chaise longue I won’t give back!”
Dis-charge whips out his phone…waves it across the audience…
“Snapchat! Are you all excited…I’m going to scan through the crowd…scream for me!”
“This is yourselves having a video call! Pretty much why I’m not allowed back in an office…that and the FISTING!”
“FISTING…” says Dis, making shapes with his fingers…
“But that would be vulgar…don’t you know I’m the Princess Di of Drag!”
“So anyway…our next act…it’s a journey…you get the offer of one pill or the other…maybe both and be like YAY! MEH! YAY! MEH!”
“It’s out next act…”
Bonita strides onto the stage Matrix style…full length loooooooong PVC coat, PVC boots, shades and black hair…a hint of PVC knicker underneath the coat…
Hmmmm…I do love a shit load of PVC…wonderful sound…reminds me of a skirt I once owned…and a few pairs of trousers…and a very naughty New Year’s Eve…Squeak, squeak, squeak…(but that’s another story 😉 )
Rage Against the Machine blasts from the speakers…
Garters, leg stretched out, teasing…
Coat off! PVC bra underneath! Lovely. There’s a bustier too…and a glittery bottom!
Now the suspenders are off!
Shimmy, shimmy, SHAKE!
Bonita drapes and writhes herself over the chair…sexiful, feisty, badass, mischievous…..
Dis: “That’s what happens when you take both pills!”
(not a bad outcome)
“Our next act is someone that will blow your mind! A go-go dancer…a fucking goddess!
Velvet wanders out in a gold sequinned dress…gold feather boa…big black hair…
The song Mustang Sally rips out around the room…
Velvet has a glittery chest…
Bit of BUMP & GRIND…
Gloves…teasing, teasing, teasing…
…calling up the crowd…
SHIMMY! SHIMMY! SHIMMY!
MEGA-SHIMMY SHIMMY SHIMMY!
Bra tease…calling up the crowd…calling, calling, CALLING!
WHOOP! WHOOP! WHOOP!
(One more for luck…)
That was fun. And exhausting. And only one half of the show!
It’s time for a break.
There’s a table with jars of sweets and knick-knacks and all kinds of cabaret flotsam and jetsam sitting on the stage…now what is that for I wonder?
Dis: “Are you all feeling suitably lubricated?”
Clearly they’re pissed as a fart…must be all that cider and West Country moonshine…[I’m from Suffolk so I think I can get away that comment…East Country, West Country…we’re practically cousins…shit, we probably are!]
And now what is Dis-charge up to? Some kind of kinky walk?
Dis: “I’m walking like a supermodel!”
He’s hunched witchlike and prancing a little bit…which is probably pretty apt!
Dis: “I’m cultured…and collecting cultures…this dress is full of them!”
“So we have an intriguing demonstration coming up…teaching you all the A-Zs of craft…it’s our next act…”
Bettie wanders on and over to the table. She’s wearing glasses, has darning cotton in her hair…all in all…she’s arty-crafty!
Bettie: “Hi…do you like to craft?
Some rumblings in the audience…
“Tonight I’m going to teach you how to make a piggy bank!”
Bettie swoops for some of the items on the table…
“Grab yourself a bottle…if you’re thirsty, drink it first!”
“Cut yourself a nice fat body…”
This is all going crafty so far…but now a different kind of crafty…
Bettie starts pouring glue over herself…up her arms down her top…it’s a cheeky glue-o-rama!
And the clothes come off…
More clothes coming off…
Tons of glue going on!
Shake the boobs!
Bettie Pig has has has…
Glitter all over herself!!!!
What a glittery, crafty, arty, cheeky, funky performance!
>>>>>>Annnnnnd back to Dis…
Dis: “Now you know how to make your own piggy bank!”
“You get hot and sticky and then take off all of your clothes!”
“Now I’m going to quickly adjust myself…ah, that’s better…now I’m going to do the splits!”
“Party in the front!
…Party where I can get it!”
Dis stretches this way, extends himself…
“You have to stretch…oh no, you can see my…”
“I’ll be like this for the rest of my life!”
“And now an elegant pose to show you that I did it…”
“What can you see?
Audience: “THE UNIVERSE!”
“Is it god?”
Dis: “Now…we’re going to take a trip underwater…and we’re going to get seriously wet”
“Our next act is one of the founding members of the BBF…fabulous, dishy, debonair…it’s…”
Wow…what is this? It’s a JELLYFISH! This is fucking cool!
Tiger Tiger rumbles towards the audience…
There’s a big, huge tune bursting out of the speakers…
BIG! HUGE! MASSIVE!
IT’S GOING OFF BEAUTIFULLY!
No idea what the music is but I’ll throw out some lyrics and try and describe the sound and its rhythms…
It’s a deep bass with a kind of dance/trance sound sprinkled over the top like some sort of hallucinogenic funky dust on a birthday cake…
Tiger Tiger calls up the crowd…speaks the words…
[Feeling mighty good tonight]
[time to feel the groove]
You can’t tell from the text but Tiger Tiger’s performance is an explosion of chaos! It’s mayhem, gorgeous, outrageous, mayhem!
[And I really must find out that tune!]
Dis: “Are you all wet now?!”
Dis: “So now we’ve got something political…a special guest for you…it’s the rock n roll chancellor of Germany…”
(performed by Zizi Zinnona)
Now this is something else…Angela Merkel…red jacket, black trousers…
There’s a bit of electronic music from Peaches…bip-bip-bip-da-da-da-da…then a BIG RIFF!
Which is good because Angela has got…
Angela begins to strip…Trousers off!
Wiggle wiggle wiggle!
Red bra…red knickers go flying…there’s Chancellor clothing all over the place…faces aghast…laughing maniacally.
Angela’s down to her bra…which is covered in what looks like sweets. But there’s more…there’s a flag, no…a banner coming out…ta-da!
Draping it around herself it reads…
[WIR SCHAFFEN DAS]
(We Make It)
Phew! We’ve been Chancellored!
But before we can catch a breath it’s…
Dis: “Now we have one of the founders of the festival…put your hands together for…”
Tuesday romps onto the stage…dark hair, pink gloves, leopard print get up…
And a very
Dance! BADASS DANCE!
[I jus want want my pussy ate]
“Oh oh oh feel it…”
Shhh shh shh shh…
[I jus want my pussy ate]
Pretty badass performance…a total RENEGADE STRIPPER!
There’s glitter all over!
Tuesday gets down on the floor, bottom to the crowd…
Ass shake! Shake Ass! Ass shake!
[I jus want my pussy ate]
Kitty nipple covers!
The words do not do it justice but it was a pure Molotov cocktail!
Dis: “I think we have time for one more act for you…welcome with rapturous applause…”
Knockout Noire strides out…black sequins, huge headdress, enticing feather boas…
Music starts…Jazz…a slow and sexiful grind…
Knockout Noire dances slowly, hypnotically, there’s a creeping rhythm that rides up your leg…
The boas is unleashed, crawling its way through the scalps of the audience…
[bam bam bam]
This performance is all freestyle jazz dance that says ‘do as you please..you don’t want to feel confined..’
Clothes are coming off…glitter explodes into the front row…
Knockout Noire runs, swings, loves, becomes adored by the crowd…
CHAMPAGNE blasts into the air and all over Marea…it’s a shower of bubbles and glamour and sheer delectable ecstasy!
Whoop! Whoop! Whoop!
So there we go. That was BBF RENEGADES. With so much going on stage it’s difficult to capture every single little thing. That’s the sign of a great show featuring an incredible lineup. Thank you BBF!
All images copyright Tony Barrett Photo. Please go to tbpphoto.co.uk
Performances by: Velvet Jones – London, UK, Zizi Zinnona – Netherlands, Bonita Boudoir – Cardiff, UK, Anna Frost – Bristol, UK, Bettie Pig – London, UK, Frankly Frankie – Boise, Idaho, USA, Tiger Tiger – Bristol, UK, Sandy Sure – Exeter, UK, Tuesday Laveau – Bristol, UK, Marea Knockout Noire, USA.