The Apothecary: Narcosis!
Haunt, 3rd May 2017
Promoter: Mariposa Bop
Host: Dis-Charge!
Starring: Eyrie Twylite (USA), Rosie Kohl, Good Ness Gracious, Lady Lisette Ruby, Loretta von Dini, Miss Kitty Pimms, Poppy Liqueur
Fun & Games: Gin or Not Gin
I’ve seen a lot of botoxed lips on the way to the Apothecary this evening. There’s something strange about them… the way they seem to sit there pulsating like they’re about to explode kind of BWAAA BWAAAA BWAAAA MAAAAP MAAAAP MAAAAP MEEEP MEEEP MEEEP BLEAUUUUUGHHH… KABOOM! and why do they always look a little putrid and stinky? Why the f*** is that? They look like sweet scented but totally godawful sushi from a dubious sushi restaurant. Yuk, yuk! YUK!
BLEAUGHHHH!
So…
Have I put enough swill into your mind yet?
Naaaaaaaah…
…and just wait until Dis-Charge gets to the fisting!
😉
Anyway, here’s MARIPOSA BOP to make us feel all warm and happy 🙂
Hello Bopalicious!
“Hello ladies and gentlemen,” says Bop, with a mischievous face and a croaky Welsh accent “…tonight we’re going to be breaking the fourth wall… your host for this evening… you may have seen him on Ru Paul’s Drag Race…It’s…”
DIS CHARGE!
WHOOP! WHOOP! WHOOPEE GOLDBERG!
(no, not really, but…)
Dis-Charge prances onto the stage: lean, keen, quite clearly… WANTING TO BE SEEN!
Corset, shiny leggings, heels, and some big f*** off Minnie mouse ears…
Tall, vivacious…
Delicious.
It’s like Disneyland on mushrooms…
Nom nom nom…
Some audio from Ruuuuuuuuu Paul’s Drag Race bounces around the room… Dis poses… Pret a Porter, Givenchy, Dunlop…
Debonair. Business. Walking, talking, glamooooourrrrrr….
RPDR: “Dis-charge it’s time to
Da da da da “Hey DJ…”
Dis Charge dances around the room in a frenzy…
Striptease!
Bottom!
Cheeky sweep and cavorting…
Then!
DIS CHARGE! DRAG GROIN DANCING IN MY FACE!
BOOM! BOOM! BOOM!
(and dead)
:(x
(but he lives!)
\m/ xxx
Dis: on stage, leg stretch, and falling! Arse over tit! Back up – another leg stretch… the splits…
Nailed it!
RPDR: “Totally awful!
“What!?”
Dis is angry, sashays away in a temper… shit is about to get smashed…
Kiss Kiss!
Bang Bang!
Boom! Boom!
Bop! Bop!
But no! Security strikes… there’s a handlebar moustached security guide waiting to take Dis away…
Cell Block H beckons! (or will it be Tenko?) [or is Orange the New Black for Dis Charge?]
Ba-ba-ba
Guard: “That’s enough!”
But no! Dis-Charge is off! Running, fleeing, escaping… on the lam in a basement arena…
Dis-Charge flees: run, rabbit, run, dig that hole, the work is done…
And round and round and round we go… cat and mouse, mouse and cat, lion, muntjac, tiger and rat…
Phew!
Dis: “I think I lost him!”
Da da da!
He’s behind you Dis-Charge, he’s behind!
The guard is back – fuzzy faced, gruff, antagonising, strange…
(hmmm, and also strangely familiar!?)
Guard: “This is a responsible cabaret, don’t talk about fisting! Nobody talk about fisting!”
[you just know that’s not going to happen]
Ah, but enough of all this – we haven’t started the show yet!
Dis: “Hello! Welcome London! We have an amazing line up for you tonight… firstly put your hands together for Lady Lisette Ruby…”
LADY LISETTE RUBY!
Lady Lisette bounces onto the stage: BIG Patent Heels, sparkly knickers…
Leg stretch!
Bottom!
Kick Stretch!
Bottom!
On the floor WHOOP!
Leg stretch WHOOP!
Stretch up…Splits…WHOOP! WHOOP! WHOOP!
Killer heels, Lady Lisette, Killer heels!
Lady Lisette continues: writhing, bumping, grinding…
BAM-BAM-BAM-BOOP! BAM-BAM-BOP!
And done!
Voila!
And our next act is up and on the stage just as quickly!
POPPY LIQUEUR!
Take it away, Poppy…
The room goes dark: Poppy wanders out – dark clothes, dark hood – this could be sinister, it could be strange, it could be anything with Poppy around. She’s a clever girl. Clever acts.
CLEVER!
(and our scribbly scribbly text really won’t do it justice)
There’s a little bit of audio from our childhood. Fuck me! It’s Charley Says:
“Charley and I are in the park… a man asked me if I wanted to see some puppies… I started to go with the man but Charley stopped me… Mummy said we were good for not going with the man…”
Ah, all safe… but wait: there’s more… Poppy has a sign and some audio… two people in a car talking to each other about the state of their tyres…
[WORN TYRES KILL!]
“Are our tyres worn Joe?”
“Oh I wouldn’t think so Petunia…”
“Well have you looked Joe?”
“Yes…”
“Not recently. Well they’re a bit smooth….”
SCREEEEEEEEEEEEECH! CRASSHHHHHHH!
Ooooohhhh…
And darkness falls again…
Dis: “Inhale… STD flashback!”
[Edit: the notes are a little hazy at this point but…]
Dis: “Don’t worry – I’m wet!”
[That’s OK then!]
Dis: “I want to introduce you to the Mistress of Hex Craft… a big round of applause for…
EYRIE TWYLITE!
Ooooh, this could be very delicious…
Eyrie arrives on stage in a purple sparkly dress. She has dark hair and some tattoos on her arms. But before we go further into detail…
Ass bump and grind!
Ye huh!
Splits!
Garter tease, garter off!
Now the shoes are flying off!
Eyrie goes writhing… it’s almost hallucinogenic! It’s mystical and enticing. Alluring. You feel like you’re being drawn inside a shadow with a bottle of Absinthe for comfort…
Leg split!
Ahhh, now what I love…it’s a Zip tease!
ZZZZZZZZZiiiii… wait… ZZZZZZIIIIIII… wait… ZZZZZZZZIIIIIIIIIPPPPPPPP!
Yee hah!
But now:
Shimmy!
Tease!
Shimmy!
Tease!
Legs goes flying apart – it’s all or nothing!
Ass shimmy, shimmy, shimmy, shake!
Bottom! Boop!
Bra off – FLING!
And the legs go up and round and legs on chair…
Ass!
Kiss to the crowd!
Gone!
Dis: “Ohhh my…are you under her spell?”
{Yes, spellbound. Small notes, but it was a BIG performance. Actually one that remains in the head all these months later. The black and purple and the movement of her body. It was capturing.}
Back to the show!
Dis lays down on the stage…
“I’m going to prove that I’m flexible…”
Uh oh…
“Because I forget that I’m not flexible! I’m going to send the front of the room screaming…”
Agggggghhhhhh!
“Though guess what? I’m not a real woman!”
lol
“Our next act involves magic… Ladies and Gentlemen…”
LORETTA VON DINI!
Tubular bells creeps its way out the speakers…
Will there be an exorcism?! It is that kind of night!
There’s some beats on the music box…
A newspaper comes out for the act… it’s a tabloid… page three…
Loretta tears up the paper… Tassels on page three!
Happy dance! (was this really in my notes?)
But what now?
There’s a bag? A flashing thing?
Loretta teases…
Corset off!
Shot of gold and tobasco (Gold? Really?)
Bottom!
BOOP!
(Despite the crummiest of crummy notes for Loretta Von Dini I did enjoy the act. I owe you some extended copy at some point!)
INTERVAL
Gin!
SECOND ACT
Dis: “Welcome back to the second half of the show… are we lubricated, hydrated…?
Yes!
“Remember!” says Dis, “don’t talking about fisting!”
Ohhhh!
“It’s been a very magical show so far… it’s time for our next act…”
KITTY PIMMS!
(As Tank Girl)
Ahhhh we like a bit of Tank Girl…
[Army of Me by Bjork plays in the background]
There’s a Toy tank, a Kangaroo… all that a Tank Girl needs…
Tank Girl dances, ass shake, leg stretch, SHIMMY! SHAKE!
But now she’s grabbing some scissors… she’s slashing her clothing, slicing it into shreds… ripping it apart…clothes? Why bother!
Tank Girl dances, ass shake… Flings her top around… she’s down to a bra and knickers…
Another ass shake!
The Tank Girl hat and goggles on..
And the Tank Girl marches off into the shadows…
…But out of the darkness steps…
LADY LISETTE RUBY!
Lady Lisette leaps onto the stage: 60s B/W dress, hat, satin gloves, PVC boots…
BOOOOOOOOTSSSSS!
There’s some 60s go-go dancing
Gloves off!
Dress off!
It’s a quick act!
[Song: These boots are made for walking]
Leg stretch! Swing!
Splits!
Lady Lisette goes wiggling out of dress…
Knickers off – FLING!
Mw-haha!
Yeah baby!
And she’s done. Bit of a retro rampage if you ask me. (you didn’t)
Oh, MARIPOSA BOP is back onstage. What’s the little Welsh rascal up to this time?
It must be time for GIN OR NOT GIN!
It’s a game where five test tubes of liquid (possibly gin) are consumed by the victim (sorry, we mean guest) and they have to guess what the liquid is.
This month’s competitor is… Bonani
(is that really the name in my notes?)
1: Bonani sups… Gin?
Bop: Yes!
2: Bonani guzzles… Lemonade?
Bop: Yes! Well done.
3: Bonani………………….
……..Vodka?
Bop: Yes! Very good!
4: Bonani thinks…. hmmm… I don’t know…
Bop: It was soda water… something to mix the vodka with…
5: Bonani… headlong into the test tube! Is it gin?
Bop: It’s gin!
Woohooo!
Dis: “Oi oi we’re on tour in shagaluf”
[Where the fuck did that come from?]
Dis: “Don’t you feel a little high?”
[I think we’re losing a grip on our notes…]
“Our next act is…”
ROSIE KOHL
Ahhh, now Rosie’s a smart little performer. Good brain. Tonight she’s dressed up as a belly dancer with a sheet across her face. Hmmmm, something’s happening here (oh, no, really?)
Rosie has a red flower in her hair, lace gloves and BIG BIG EYES!
There’s jazz music… it’s a little inducing, enticing…
Then:
OH FUCK!
Rosie pulls off the sheet from her face…
She has an Elephant trunk for a nose!
Fucking Wow!
Rosie continues to dance a magic dance… spinning around to the music… it’s an Elephant Lady adventure!
Wooohooo!
Oh hang on, Dis-Charge is on the stretch again…
Dis: “I was in the Olympics…”
Seems like it.
Lower, lower, looooooowerrrrrrr…
“Can you tell I’m winking at him?” (I presume he’s talking about a gentleman in the front row)
lol
“Oh my god…oh my god…”
“The voices in my head are horny!”
OK!
Time for the last act of the night… this looks like it could be a another rampage!
It’s…
GOOD NESS GRACIOUS!
Ness has birthday cake on a table… hmmmm… she’s wearing a black robe, a party hat, and another net robe underneath.
Ness dances… Jiggly jiggly…
Bottom!
Ohhh she’s gone for the cake… gobbling it!
Ness kicks off her robe, black knickers sit under it…
Tease!
Jiggle Jiggle!
Ohhhh how cheeky… Ness is licking the icing… now there’s icing on her ass!
Left, Right
Shaking ass!
Ass dancing!
And the cake goes onto the floor….
Ness is cake sitting!
Spreading the cake across chest Ness picks up some of its pieces and starts to chuck it around… it’s a cake fight!
Ness: “I’ve got it everywhere!”
She has!
The cake goes flying! Eyrie Twylite and some of the other performers come hurtling from the back of the room, tongues rampant, lapping over breasts and chests… cream and sugar smearing faces and bodies…
It’s an orgy of cake and burlesquers! How Roman, how sexiful…how..
APOTHECARY!
😉
BIG BOOTS! BIG HEELS!
BIG LIPS!
AND FISTING!
Just another night in Stoke Newington…
Avanti!
XXX
All photos by Rob Brazier.
Mardi Gras Magazine 
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