Friday, 2nd September 2016
100 Watt Club, Winchester Guildhall
Performers: Lena Mae, Betsy Rose, Abi Collins (Peggy Sued), Dave the Bear
Host: Mr Meredith
With so many beautiful and mischievous bottoms on display, it really was a cheeky September evening in Winchester. A light mist of rain drifted through the streets, bar lights twinkled in the dusk, and the satisfyingly sweet Bapsy Hall was filled with a fine crowd dressed up in leathers, feathers, pink wigs and leopard prints. Most, if not all, were sexily adorned with stylish pin up tattoos, big boobs, plunging corsets, and of course … some ever so curvy shimmies. And that was just the men!
So without further ado…
Ladies and Gentlemen, The Hundred Watt Club…
Mr Meredith wanders onto the stage trussed up beautifully as a sexy camp delight. He’s looking very elegant, I must say, with his moustache and dandied attire. A sexual thrust from a bygone age.
“Start the music!”
Plink plink plink ughhhhh…
“Let’s mangle another track…”
And into Que Sera we go…
“Que Sera Sera. What will I be? Will I be…”
The crowd are instantly swaying like camp pirates (it’s a nautical crowd being so close to Southampton…)
“Will you swallow or will you spit?”
(It’s also a naughty and nautical crowd. The two things usually do go together!)
“It’s not just herpes and crabs, I’ve got the lot! I’ve got every STD!”
That’s stopped everyone in their tracks.
But then we’re quickly up and running again.
“I’m from Mansfield,” says Mr Meredith. “We don’t have God and furniture in Mansfield.”
“But anyway, I am here to provide your lubrication. You need some lubrication in your life.”
“Can we make animal noises?”
“Well hello Mister Bear!”
“It’s nice to see you celebrating those beastly beasts.”
And we do have a bear to perform for us this evening!
“…You can be with whoever you want to be with tonight,” he says rather cheekily.
The audience doesn’t seem to grumble at that.
But without any further introduction…our first act for the evening…
We do love a bit of Betsy Rose! Great performer.
Betsy sweeps eloquently onto the stage wearing black velvet, satin and chiffon. She looks like a tempting Amazonian princess.
Jazz swing Rumba Rumba Rumbles in the background…
Rumba, young lady, rumba.
And Betsy goes off and off and off:
Followed by a cheeky smile 😉
Betsy continues, dancing, shifting, moving lovingly for the crowd, all while screeching
She’s good this lady. Tons of super-massive tail feathers and a very beautiful BOTTOM!
Which is followed by a sneaky cheeky…
I love those little rebel yells! So much fun! And I really think Betsy Rose is technically one of the best around – she always hits her marks, always has those funny (in a good way!) little facial expressions. Pretty awesome.
And that’s a feather bottom bending over!
Thank you, Betsy, that was a great performance. What a delish!
And now for some Mr Meredith…
“I still cock my finger when I fist!”
Ouch. Is that inside or out?
Anyway, who is up next?
A drunken Vegas bride stumbles merrily and wonderfully atrociously onto the stage. How decadent!
“How are you, Winchesty?” says Peggy with a cutesy American accent.
WHOOPS! of joy from the crowd.
“Do you know where I got these lips from?”
“The same guy who does autopsies!”
“So it’s quite likely that I have a stripper’s ass on my face….”
“…Which is what you’d like to have at the end of the night!” she says pointing to a man in the crowd.
BIG! HUGE! LAUGHTER!
Peggy undoes a little wedgie in her panties…
(it’s actually quite cute and endearing – which is good because she’ll be doing it a lot!)
…and continues with her show…
“I have ten ex-husbands! So I have a hoop for every husband!”
Peggy begins to get her hoops ready for the show….
Hula, hula, hula.
And. Here. We. Go…
Good legs, Peggy Sued, good legs…
Good wedgies, too.
“Husband number two had the same taste in shoes as me…”
“…he was a transvestite!”
And then back into her hula hula antics…
Peggy (Marge Simpson voice): “I’m too old for this shit…”
What a great show…we have a new found love for Peggy Sued. As Lena Mae said before the show…
“She’s good value!”
And now back to our host…
“Fuck me, what is this?” says Mr Meredith as he leans into the crowd…
He’s found a lady in shiny clothing and a bright blue wig!
“Mum’s going to the disco!”
“Is this your husband?
It seems that way.
“Are you the boss in this marriage?”
Some nods of agreement.
“We love a dominatrix … we can’t beat them!”
BIG LAUGH FROM MYSELF at that one. Good line 😉
And then Mr Meredith starts to hand out little athletics/circus rings to the crowd. For why, sir, for why?
I guess we’ll see why next…
It’s that beautiful beasty…
DAVE THE BEAR!
The Bear bounds through the crowd towards the stage…
He’s dressed up like a cheerleader. Flag raised and waving triumphantly, shorts tight and slender, hoops hung under the arms. Moving quickly, the Bear’s swishing his hula (not a polite euphemism!) round and round and round and round.
Forever running round like a whirligig.
A quick kiss of the guns from the Bear.
A big bendover from the Bear.
(this is like the Olympics!)
I think the crowd liked that one!
Ah now, what’s this? The Bear has inserted a pole into his bottom!
So it all makes sense now – the pole in the Bear’s bottom is for ring throwing…
…and the audience are trying to comply…
I don’t see too many rings landing on the pole in the ring…
Still, it’s an admirable effort, and they’re all pretty drunk anyways.
I think even the event staff got a bit hot under the collar at that one.
So it was oh so worth it.
As the Bear slips away, it’s back to Mr Meredith:
“Our next performer is the Queen of the Hundred Watt Club – which means she can do what she likes!”
And she usually does!
The cheeky tease starts off by treating the audience to Dirty Boogie…
…a naughty, ravishing favourite – with strangely a little hint of innocence (is that in anyway possible?)
But only in an ever so tiny way.
So back to Lena:
Red corset: ALLURING RED!
Dancing bottom, gloves off with heel, teasing the crowd (the suggestive moo).
And then a hundred or so shimmies, twists, turns and too-toos.
Then … up comes the bottle … that wonderfully decadent bottle…
A CHAMPAGNE EXPLOSION!
GLITTER. GLITTER. GLITTER.
And we’re back again…
Mr Meredith appears on the stage dressed up as a pirate.
Time for some shanties from a pirate in panties…
“A pirate and I…”
The audience are back into their swaying action – this crowd loves swaying like seaman in an old sea dog’s rest home. It really is very naughty and nautical in Winchester this evening.
Back to Mr Meredith – he’s playing the mandolin
And with all those ARRRRRss … it’s called up
Peggy’s back, purple sparkly outfits, big smile, wedgies a go go. Looking cute and devilish she launches into the wonderful…
‘Peggy Sued Husband hula wula part II’
‘Peggy Sued’s Husband Hula Redux’ if you’re being fancy pants.
Which is never a bad thing. I own many pairs of fancy pants (American for trousers in this case). Leather ones, rubber ones, pinstripe ones…corduroy ones (these were a moment of frightful indulgence I completely regret)
All of them are delightful. But not as delightful as Peggy Sued making a cocktail (not a polite euphemism) while doing some hula wula and balancing the cocktail on her face!
And to finish the act:
A PARTY POPPER! (not the Keith Vaz kind!)
“Husbands four, five and six had a lot in common” says Peggy “…they were brothers!”
But enough about the brothers.
Peggy ropes in a man from the crowd to join in the show.
Which can often be dangerous…
But this is Paul from Winchester who works in IT.
So we should be fine if the servers collapse (not the bar staff!)
Peggy points out that Paul has his nipples on display under his shirt…
Which he does!
(she chose well!)
“So this is actually Kinkchester!”
“Are you filming this?” says Peggy to a woman in the front of the crowd.
Peggy sticks the microphone and her own face down around Paul’s groin.
(chuckles in the crowd)
“If you get divorced, you can take him to the cleaners!”
“I’m not really from Las Vegas,” says Peggy – she’s switched accents! How cheeky! “I’m actually from Dagenham!” (oh heck that accent is sexy. Yum, Yum, Yum. So full of life!)
“I’ve got to run to catch my train, but thanks so much for coming out and supporting live events”
A full round of applause for that one.
And now onto:
(twice in one night?)
Lena sashays onto the stage looking very elegant in her whiz-bang white outfit: feathers, beauty, all in all cheeky; an act filled with fun and bitchin’ moves…
Slender jazz music plays in the background, a dreaminess descends onto the stage.
And then a little white swan move to finish the performance…
Before the audience can calm down, we’re back to…
DAVE THE BEAR!
Burlesque. Boylesque. Bearlesque!
The Bear thunders down from the balcony; he’s a bit of a Thunderheart that Bear. This time he’s dressed up in warrior attire – long pony tail mane, leather skirt, boots and all the rest.
The Bear bounces into the crowd, then
Somebody caught that bend over full in the face!
A little twist, a little turn, and then back onto the stage for an immense swirling of the pony tail. It’s like one man loved up mosh pit.
OFF WITH THE CLOTHES!
Pretty badass that Bear.
Phew, after Peggy Sued, Lena Mae and the Big Bad Bear we need a bit of a tonic to see out the rest of the show…
And who is this tonic?
A little tipple courtesy of…
So let’s sit back and relax and admire the slender…
Betsy’s wearing an incredibly long sweeping dress…she looks like a gorgeous absinthe hallucination…very seductive. And so is the performance:
Facial expressions, lovably dreamy and floaty, dark and whiz-banging, with a little hint of the macabre; a sexy séance with a lover from another dimension.
Layers of clothing fly off with abandon. Layers and layers and layers…
Until there’s nothing but a dancing bottom at the end of a pile of clothing.
So there we go … in full fun and bloodied exhaustion!
The Hundred Watt Club