Apothecary: Renewal!
7th February 2018, Haunt, Stoke Newington

Host: Mariposa Bop
Stage Managers: Poppy Liqueur
Line up: Jeanie Wishes, Pudzey Payaso, Zayn Phallic, Whisky Falls, Melody D’Amour
Cleopantha, Whisky & Wishes

First things first…this flower on Mariposa Bop’s head…I have to say it’s about the HUGEST flower I’ve ever seen…what do you think?

Bop by Jon Ellis

I don’t think there’s a particular word that would sum up its size and awesomeness, so I’ll have to create one. Let’s have a go…GLORIOMAHOOSIVUS!

Hmm, not sure. How about…MAGMAFANTASTICA!

Okay, but I think we’ll have to come back to this…

But that’s enough blather, what about Bop?

Yes, that MARIPOSA BOP…she’s hosting tonight, so let’s hear what she has to say. She usually has something up her sleeve.

Bop: “Hello and welcome to the show! This show’s called Renewal. I name the shows to represent the journey we’re on and what’s happening in the world and the journey of the world.”

“So what does renewal mean to us?”

Crowd: “Drivers licence!”

Lol

Bop: [laughing] “Apart from that! Renewal is a time to achieve things, start again. It’s going to be an exciting year. This is the optimistic way of doing things. This year is about renewal and change, optimism and hope.”

“But anyway, on with the show. I sometimes host as a Welsh Jessica Rabbit…Jessica Rarebit! So I’m going to sing a little for you…”

The music starts, Bop starts to sing and wander the little basement room singing to the crowd while winding her way through their drinks and enjoyment…

“Why don’t you do right…

“I literally can’t remember the words,” laughs Bop.

“Why don’t you do right…”

“Give me some money too…”

As the music fades, the first act is introduced…

“Ladies and Gentlemen…”

MELODY D’AMOUR!

Melody sweeps delicately out of the darkness…she’s holding a huge umbrella, wearing a gold/yellow dress, gloves, purple jewellery, and a flower in her hair.

Some music tinkles sweetly from out of the speakers…

“Somewhere over the rainbow…”

Melody D’Amour by Jon Ellis

Moving slowly, Melody begins her glove tease…she’s a bit of a floaty, dreamy, sweet hallucination…like when light bounces off the raindrops.

The gloves are off, now the corset follows!

And her skirt is lighting up! And the sweet music has been OBLITERATED by BIG METAL RIFFS…flying everywhere…it’s a thunderstorm!

Melody D’Amour by Jon Ellis

But enough of the skirt – it’s removed and flung away! Swish, swish, swish! Bottom-bottom-boop!

Now Melody’s hiding behind some fans…a pretty fan dance…she poses, she hides, she peaks, she sweeps, she swoops, she shimmers, she poses, she spins, she winks, she kisses…she melts back into the ether.

That was fun!

Bop: “Are we ready for the next act? Our next performer is the gorgeous…”

JEANIE WISHES!

BIG BAND JAZZ MUSIC booms out of the speakers…Jeanie has long platinum hair, white corset, green skirt, and a big pink boa. As the music erupts further, Jeanie begins to swing and sweep herself around the stage…the boa’s flying around in time to the jazz.

Jeanie Wishes by Jon Ellis

Glove tease! Oh, very cheeky. And little by little they come off, delicately…

Engagingly, Jeanie begins to remove her corset..Strip, Jeanie, tease!…the front row is loving the alluring on offer …the bra comes off…swung around in the air and flung far away…

Boopdy-boopdy-boop!

A cheeky bottom tease! A naughty bottom shake!

A rhythm, a twirl, a shake, a swirl…and she’s gone!

Now it’s seems like it’s time for a game! And what have we got this time?

A MIME OFF!

And who’s playing said mime off?

Zayn Phallic and a lady from the audience.

To be fair, these are a tricky to write, but the pictures? Well they’re absolute gold…so take a look at these and try and see what they’re actually miming:

What. A. Conundrum! [I have the notes, but I’m not going to tell.]

But anyhoo…

Bop: “Are we ready for another act?”

Yes!

WHISKY FALLS!

Whisky arrives with long and wet dark hair, a white shirt, a belt, and not much else. This is a little sultry and filled with abandon. Whisky moves slowly in time to the music. She stretches out a leg, swings her hips, spins her frame, flings herself around the tiny stage.

Whisky Falls by Jon Ellis

As the movement continues, her shirt drifts away from her body…as she floats around in her underwear her bra is stripped and discarded. Whisky moves, sweeps, plunges, attacks, jags, visually serenades us until she’s through with us.

A pose! And she’s gone!

Bop: “Awesome! Are you ready for some more magic before we go into the interval?”

WOOOOHOOO!

Bop: “Our next performer is a mixture of athleticism and sass! Ladies and Gentlemen…”

CLEOPANTHA!

Cleopantha looks ready for business! A gold top, a sweeping red skirt…it’s shimmering and seductive…BUT….Cleopantha SMASHES out the performance…it’s tough, feisty…

Ass shake! Shimmy! Shake!

Cleopantha by Jon Ellis

Cleopantha stretches he leg out on a nearby chair…kicks the chair away…slides onto the floor and begins to spin and writhe…she gets up, struts, poses, stands on a box…she’s going off like a firework!

Cleopantha kicks out her legs…works herself up into a fiesta, a frenzy of fire and flame…

Rising, rising, rising…and KABOOM! She’s gone!

INTERVAL

Gin!

ACT II

Bop: “Are we ready for some sideshow action with a pinch of pain?”

Yes!

“Are we ready for some AAGGGHHHHHHHH and some NNNNNNNNAAAAHHHHH?!

Yes!

“Ladies and Gentlemen…”

PUDZEY PAYASO!

Fantastic!

Gotta say…Pudzey’s awsome. What carnage! And here we go!

Pudzey: “I’m basically a fucking idiot!” says Pudzey, laughing as opens his big box of tricks.

Pulling a hammer and a nail out of the box, he begins to let rip!

NAILS – HAMMER! – FACE!

Ouch!

NAILS – HAMMER! – FACE!

Eughwww!

“I think I just forgot my own name!”

But there’s more! Unleashing a power drill from the box, Pudzey puts it up to his face.

“If this goes through it will kill me! Make my death funny! Get it on Youtube!”

And with that…

DDDRRRRRZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZ!!!!

Fuck! Intense! But he’s made it!

But now what?

Some playing cards and a stapler! And his face, and some other parts of his body.

CARD-STAPLE-SNAP!

CARD-STAPLE-SNAP!

“Now for something else…”

It’s a mouse trap! But where the fuck is it going?

“This going on the only piece my girlfriend loves!” laughs Pudzey as he move it towards his groin…BUT

SNAP!

he’s slapped it on his tongue instead!

Pudzey by Jon Ellis

HA HA!

Pudzey has more in his boom box of doom!

Cunningly removing a fox trap, Pudzey lays it out, stands back, basks in its brutality!

“Now…can I put my hand in without it biting?”

3…2…1

SLAM!

Ughhhhh

But there’s more…

Pudzey un traps himself, and then sticks a hook into his tongue. Once he’s ready, he picks up some chained weights and begins to

SWING! SWING! SWING!

the weights around.

As the chains slump down, Pudzey’s got one more awesome daredevil act inside of him…

BEER KEG+EARS=

Pudzey by Jon Ellis

SWING!-WHUP-WHUP! SWING!

SWING!-WHUP-WHUP! SWING!

Fucking hilarious! Cunning motherfucker!

But quickly, we’re off with Bop to some places unknown…

GIN OR NOT GIN

Now we don’t have any notes for this, but thanks to the Photographer we do have this:

 

Gin or not Gin By Jon Ellis

But onward! Time for the next act…

Bop: “Are we ready for something fresh and phallic?”

“Ladies and Gentlemen…”

ZAYN PHALLIC!

We’ve had the Cleopantha, now we’ve got a bit of a tiger! Zayn leaps and bounds on stage in a shirt, jeans, big hair, beard and a bottle of wine. Oh yeah, some suitable chest as well ha ha!

This act has some audio…I think it’s a dating app…I guess we’ve all been there.

There’s also some music…Man After Midnight…which causes Zayn to

GYRATE LIKE A MUTHAFUCKER!

Zayn Phallic by Jon Ellis

And I do mean GYRATE!

Yes!

No action has fitted that word so perfectly. This is Gyratory!

Ah, but the music [and gyration] stops.

And now for the final act…or should we say Double Act…

WHISKY & WISHES!

Ah, Fembots! Two of them! In matching outfits – lookyloo at the picture:

Whisky & Wishes by Jon Ellis

As you’d expect…synchronised dancing…which I have to say is a bit of a talent. But anyway, what about the mayhem?

Striptease!

“I touch myself…do anything for you…”

Splits…ZING!

Bottoms!

Bras off…

And done!

Oh, so Bop’s flower…how about:

KABOOMAMAYHEMYR!

Which sounds both a little bit (OK, we’re stretching) Pacificy and Welsh…

All photos by Jon Ellis JME-PHOTOART

Apothecarycabaret 

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